Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it was like eating out sand paper
worst night to have a conscience
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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