What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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