I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
