you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
