i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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