Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
