apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
