So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
