so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So squirting runs in the family.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
