We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
