she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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