just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
