there's paper in my vomit.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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