I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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