why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Randomize
