Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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