We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
