i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I understand Curling. That high.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
