I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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