somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
