You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
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Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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