at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
