I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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