you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
