Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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