I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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