Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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