she was so not down for the gang bang
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The best revenge is premature balding
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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