probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
