I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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