when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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