I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
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