Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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