She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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