You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
