Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
