Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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