I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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