we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
