At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
