I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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