I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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