he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
