I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Say something about gay babies.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
