I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
