So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
