when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Damn victory sex feels great
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize