the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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