Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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