Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So vagazzling was a success
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
