Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
