forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
