He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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