Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
