Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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