You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
