just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
