you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
