my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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