So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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