I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
