is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
