I want you more than these girls want KFC
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
