They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
