The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
