I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I supernannyed him into submission
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
