Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
